4 Resolutions as You Head into Mediation

This is the time of year when we all look forward to new beginnings. Even if we had the best year ever in 2018, we look towards 2019 with great anticipation and hope. So why is it that divorce rates always seem to spike a bit in January?

According to legal experts, the reason is quite simple: People avoid getting divorced during the holidays. Even if couples are considering a divorce or separation before the holidays, they usually try and make it through the season so the family can still celebrate together—this is especially true for couples who have children.

Since this is a time for making resolutions and finding the best possible solutions for having a great year, I thought I would share some resolutions couples should make if they are headed into mediation or divorce proceedings in 2019:

1. Get Your Finances in Order

Even the very best of separations come with financial challenges. To minimize your monetary concerns, make sure you take the time to get your finances in order. This will include having documentation for all of your financial records including things like mortgages and car loans as well as all of your joint accounts and income statements. You need to have a good idea of where you and your spouse are financially—how much you have and how much you owe.

2. Accept Your Ex for Who He (or She) Is

Yes, you are divorcing a person, but that doesn’t mean they will necessarily be disappearing from your life—especially if you have children. If your spouse pushed your buttons during the marriage, that is likely to continue after, so try be mindful of that before seeing him or her and cultivate a relationship built on civility and respect.

3. Pay Attention to Your Kids

This may seem obvious, but in the midst of the chaos that often accompanies mediation discussions and divorce proceedings, parents may miss some of the not-so-obvious signs that kids are struggling. Therefore it is important to watch their actions and behaviors and not trust them when they say "I'm fine."

4. Give Yourself Time

Going through a divorce can take its toll on you both physically and emotionally. Be sure you take care of yourself during the process—ask friends for help, exercise regularly, eat healthy, and mediate are all excellent ways to make sure you are giving yourself the care you need during this process. And, remember that it is a process—don’t rush through the decisions just to get through the pain. Give yourself time to contemplate and adjust, making sure the choices you are making are the best for all involved.

Even if you are the midst of a significant life transition, you can still look forward to the new year with positive expectations if you set the right goals for yourself and your family. As with all new years, this is a time of new beginnings for everyone.