4 Things Divorce Teaches Us about Marriage

July is unofficially known as the “Month of Weddings” and if you are like most people in the United States, you have spent at least part of your time this past month celebrating the nuptials (or soon-to-be nuptials) of those you love.

Some of the best marriage advice can come from those who are going through or are now divorced. I have found that people who have made mistakes with one of the most important relationships in their lives, tend to spend a lot of time thinking about what went wrong—and what they, as a couple, could possibly have done to make it go better.

While there are no guarantees in life, especially when it comes to relationships and marriage, here are 4 things we learn about successful marriages from those who fell short of their own “happy ever after.”

Communicate

Being able to openly and honestly communicate with one another is key to a happy and long-lasting relationship. While you are both in this marriage together, you bring to it your own individual experiences and expectations, making it absolutely necessary that you learn to effectively communicate—especially during difficult circumstances and life events. Click herefor some tips on how to improve the communication in your relationship.

Practice the Art of Forgiveness

We all know that not every day of your married life will be filled with bliss—misunderstandings will happen, hurtful words will be said, arguments will arise. But, there is great power in forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about condoning the hurtful behavior but instead letting go of the bitterness and resentment that can get in the way of communication, healing, and moving forward. Keep in mind that continued hurtful behavior—such as abuse, betrayals and lying—calls for seriously evaluating your relationship—forgiveness is as powerful in divorce as it is in marriage.

Be Responsible for You

This is a great line from a Huffington Post article: “Remember that it isn’t your job to make your spouse happy. Your job is to help create an environment in which your spouse can be happy.” If you are living your best life, are a dependable spouse who genuinely loves and encourages your partner, you are doing your best to make it possible for him/her to be happy. Sacrificing your own happiness to make other people happy never works and will only lead to resentment.

Keep Dating

According to a study by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, date nights improve marriages. Spending quality time together at least once a week—even after you have kids—not only keeps romance alive but reminds you why you fell in love in the first place and allows you to grow even closer as you share in new experiences and adventures. In addition, making time for your spouse shows that he/she is a priority—something that often falls by the wayside with busy schedules.