Helping Young Children Cope with Divorce

Last month, Imagine Dragons singer Dan Reynolds told PEOPLE magazine that his divorce from wife Aja Volkman has not been easy for their three young children. “I have three little girls and this year for my family has been kind of a difficult year for personal and emotional reasons,” he told PEOPLE, “and just going through that and watching the effect on my girls has been very hard for me.”

Divorce is never easy and even under the very best of circumstances, every member—including young kids—will feel the effects. Here are some ways you can help your children better cope with your divorce:

Break the News

Although challenging, both parents need to have this conversation with their children as soon as the decision to divorce has been made—and especially before they hear it from someone else. Give children information that will prepare them for upcoming changes in their lives, answer questions honestly, and make sure they know that the decision to separate is not their fault. “Most kids will feel they’re to blame even after parents have said they’re not,” says KidsHealth.org. “So, it’s vital for parents to keep giving this reassurance.”

Don’t Fight in Front of the Kids

Keep in mind that young children still have positive feelings for both parents. Seeing parents show anger towards one another can make children uncomfortable and feel as if they need to pick a side—and you never want to put your children in that kind of position. Walk away from heated discussions, speak privately with your partner about legal issues, and refrain from talking badly about the other parent—this includes when children can overhear you on the phone.

Keep a Routine

Children thrive in structured environments and although the transition through a divorce may be chaotic, keeping your kids on a regular and consistent schedule is critical. Create basic structures and tasks such as cleaning up after dinner, putting toys away, brushing teeth before bed and setting a regular bedtime. These ordinary moments throughout the day will make your child feel more at ease and secure.

Be Ready to Co-Parent

You don’t have to be best friends with your ex-spouse, but you do need to be a unified team when it comes to parenting. Communicate often about schedules and rules, be civil when you are together during events and visitation exchanges, and encourage children to have a relationship with the other parent by letting them call daddy, make a picture to give to mommy and spending one-on-one time with each other.

Stay Healthy

One of the best things you can do for your children is to keep yourself healthy. “Keeping yourself as physically and emotionally healthy as possible can help combat the effects of stress, and by making sure you’re taking care of your own needs, you can ensure that you’ll be in the best possible shape to care of your kids,” adds KidsHealth.org.

There are so many challenges you face when going through a divorce and, as Dan Reynolds mentioned, watching the effect on your children is one of the biggest emotional challenges of them all. Be intentional about helping your children cope during this difficult time for your family—it will make a big difference now and as they get older.